None of us wanted to hurt anyone anyway. And it was indeed painful — no, it was excruciating. And I have never been that broken before. Months passed and i now started to wonder if i really meant something to him. I am trying my best to keep going but everytime I do, things would then blow harder and make me take a step back again. As if a broken heart is not enough, financial struggles also came. Aside from that, God has also encouraged me to rebuild a long lost dream, a dream of studying in the premier state university in our country.
It was a dream that seemed impossible for me but God kept leading me to try, and I did. So I did my best. Almost everything in my life right now is breaking my heart to pieces. I started to wonder if faith can really move mountains. I have a friend who has the gift of having visions and dreams.
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I was trying to take steps to the other side, but the wind going to the opposite side was so strong that my effort of moving forward seemed useless and the wind was destroying everything around me. In that dream, my friend was standing from afar, he was standing on a rock that looked like ivory, and a man on a brown cap was standing behind him. My friend was looking at me as i try to cross the bridge. I started crying and he heard it resound so loudly. I am constantly trying my best, to keep walking, to keep moving forward, even if some days all i can do is crawl.
There were nights when I would get angry at God and speak honestly to Him, but the next day or a few days later, I would just find myself coming to Him again. Mich, you have the strength of a true warrior. The strength that any christian would beg for. But maybe you were right, your trying to reach the other side, but ask yourself, are you trying to do it in your own strength???? Right now Mich, your going through what some would call a refining period in life.
When that happens, God is trying you and perfecting you. In this period of your life, God is trying to either get your focus on him, or on others. In other words, off yourself and your own problems. But always remember, He knows the situation, everything about it. He knows everything about you. He knows how much pressure you can take, how many times around this pressure, and how much heat you can stand.
I will be praying for you, but let God know! Once upon a time I thought I new what God was doing in my life. I can no longer say that. All I can say is that God has literally turned my life upside down and I have no idea why or what to do. The more I pray the worse things get.
The more I trust God for good things the more bad things come my way. I was engaged. There was a breech in the relationship. I prayed for God to help restore and heal the relationship. He did not and led me to end it.
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Even though I did not want the relationship to end I obeyed because any relationship that I would put before my relationship with God would be doomed anyway. God reads hearts so I know he knows what is best for me no matter how I feel. After the engagement ended God told me not to even contact my ex to be friends. I obeyed and moved on.
I lost weight, got new hobbies and drew closer to God through study and prayer.
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Yet 8 months later my ex reenters the picture. Why would God let this man come back? The more I ignore him the more he contacts me. This makes no sense to me. I became angry at God about this. Why let this man back into my life when it was so hard to let him go and get over him? God made that clear to me. So, what is God up to? So now the Lord has begun to put it in my heart and on my spirit that it is time to move from the city where live. I knew it was time and that I need a new start somewhere else.
Well I began to pray and ask the Lord to show me where I should move. All sings and leadings are pointing to the city, 8 hours away, where my ex resides.
I think once again this is Satan or my subconscious still trying to work up a way to be near my ex. So, I ignore all these promptings to check things out in that city. No way. The jobs are much higher paying there but so is the cost of living. So, I do that. I keep praying. I sometimes listen to random ministries online. I wonder where this ministry is located. So, I immediately stop listening. I go to the library and the librarian tells me about this great new true story mystery novel arriving soon.
I place a hold for it. It comes in. I read the jacket and set it aside for later. I get all cozy and crack open the book and start to read. Guess where the mystery is centered: THAT city. My sister buys me chocolate as a gift. I open the package and the name of he chocolate company is named after THAT city.
I could go one like this for quite some time. You get the picture. Is God really telling me to pick up my life and move to a huge crime ridden city where my ex lives and if he is WHY?
I liked that ministry but not enough to want to move there. I looked into cities on the opposite coast and started lifting them up in prayer to God. He breaks in my thoughts or someone does with THAT city. On another front, at the same time, I was unemployed for almost three years.
I wanted to work in the IT field and had no background to do so. God gets me into IT! Thank you God! There is no reason I should be in this job other than God put me here. I know that for a fact.
Songs of Fellowship Index 1-6
I made a huge splash by quickly becoming the highest performer. I am not bragging. I was literally an accidental success. The only thing I will say is that God always reminded me at every new job to work unto all thing as though working unto the Lord. I wanted to do well and I wanted to honor God by not cheating my employer by working hard and trying to do a good job. Well then I got attacked by people who started saying I was cheating.